Why is it that we are more irritable with people we care about than with strangers? We behave towards those around us all the time in ways that we would never consider with strangers. It is like good manners apply to strangers, but not to those we know well. One of the ways to lubricate the wheels of a relationship is by remembering to say “Thank you!” Daily life is full of little things that we do for each other and for the “family” as a whole. These tasks, like fixing dinner, doing the dishes, emptying the dish washer, and doing laundry, have to be done. When appreciated, they can be transformed into a channel to express love – both giving and receiving. Drudgery can be turned into a gift. Giving thanks for the items involved in the task also helps to transform it. The washing machine is a true blessing, as are the clothes we have to wash but which we are lucky to have to wear.

It is unfortunate that often what we latch onto in our memories of a person are the negative experiences. Most relationships have many positive moments that could also be treasured. Even in a given day, a person may do ten things that help us, but we are hurt when they do one thing that rubs us the wrong way. What we put our attention on grows. So when we stew about behavior that we don't like, then that brings more of that behavior. When you find your mind returning to an issue, then use the phrase "Perfect child of God, I bless you on your path, over and out." For people that you know, consciously remind yourself of another action that person did that brought you joy.

When we are upset, it is almost impossible to stop and consider why and what it is accomplishing. But later, when not upset, it is useful to consider the reason. Ask yourself these questions: Was my response appropriate to the level of aggravation? (Too little, just right, too much?) If I had seen someone else respond as I did, would I have considered it appropriate? If it wasn't appropriate and “too much,” why did I overreact? (Possibilities include tired, hungry, mad about something or someone else, indigestion, a supplement or drug, time of the month, taken on someone else's feelings, under time pressure, sick, reacting to previous thing this person did rather than to what they are currently doing, missed meditation.) Having a friend or spouse help analyze it is sometimes helpful. Only when you know the “why” is it possible to start fixing it.

If you find yourself being cranky on a regular basis with someone you basically love, it could be that the underlying problem is not their behavior but some chemical imbalance in your body. It is important to try to resolve this issue before it destroys your relationships. Sometimes a blood test will reveal the imbalance. If you have access to someone who is skilled in dowsing nutritional/hormonal issues, go to see them. Sometimes you can have picked up energy from someone else when you are out and about. Most of these can be cleared by saying, “Get everyone else out of my body.” Repeat for a total of six times while using the sweeping mudra. (Hands together in pray position about 6-12” from your heart. Push hands apart, away from you and pushing to the side. Ending position has both hands palm up in the “stop” position and arms about 45 degrees to each side.) If you still feel something else is influencing you, ask a Phoenix Vibrations Apprentice to clear you of boogers. Remember that eating regularly also is a daily imperative. Running out of fuel can make any body cranky. For some people, eating sugar or lots of fruit can make them feel good immediately, but causes the body to “crash” as it wears off.

It is easy to hang onto wrongs that we perceive someone has perpetrated on us. It is sometimes humbling to think of situations from their side, and the wrongs that they feel we did to them. Generally, no situation is entirely one sided. You expect them to make exceptions for your imperfections, so you should also make exceptions for theirs. The important thing is to not let the past cloud your interactions in the present. If they are being nice to you now, accept it and complement it in some way. What is complemented tends to grow, and the relationship can start moving in a direction that will bless both of you.

Sometimes we can take an action as a personal affront, when the person is just responding to another aggravation in their life. You can ask yourself some questions that may help put the situation into perspective and offer possible solutions: Were they like this all day or week? Are most of their actions helpful or neutral? Is something else worrying them or irritating them? Are they tired, hungry, or sick? Do they feel a time crunch? Do they behave this way to others or just to me? Does their life have a balance between chores and fun?

Relationships are a part of our development process. If some person or event seems to push our buttons, then that is a sign to look for the underlying cause. Sometimes it is something in your environment. A bed or clothes from a family member, friend or previous relationship can bring that influence, even a health problem, into your current experiences. The blessing prayer can rectify some of these items. Others must just be removed from your life. Babies and young children are especially susceptible. All new and hand-me-downs items they wear or use need to be cleared.

Sometimes it is possible to work yourself into a thither about something someone did where your underlying premise about what they did was incorrect. Whenever possible, it is good to ask directly to verify your understanding. It can be as simple as, “Why did you do that?” or “Why don’t you want me to do that?” or “Did you __________?” It is especially embarrassing to fly off the handle only to discover that you were upset about a non-event. But it will happen to everyone sometime! So when it does, take note that your upset was needless, maybe even appreciate the humor of it, apologize (if appropriate), and see it as a lesson from the universe about keeping your head – at least until you know all the particulars.

Anytime you find that you get really upset about something, it is good to do a Negative Emotional Charge clearing for that issue. (This is available from a Phoenix Vibrational Practitioner.) The source of upset can be from this life time, while you were in the womb, or even from your previous existence. It is often a combination of the three.

Sometimes the behavior that irritates us in friend or family is caused by an underlying emotional need in them that is not being met or they are responding from a previous event that caused shock, panic and/or trauma. There is a very powerful clearing tool on the Phoenix Vibrational Healing™ web site: Clearing Tools page. It clears imprints and energies of shock, panic and trauma. If it seems appropriate you can do the technique with them, either in person or on the soul level.

The Forgiveness Soul Song and Soul Conference Techniques are also usually of benefit in these cases of upset. They can be a great blessing. Take advantage of them.

Press PLAY to hear the Soul Song.